There's a thought:
"Is there anything there? Is what I'm doing even special? Am I good at what I say I'm good at?"
Life has an amazing ability to both confirm and deny these questions.
Sometimes I feel as if I'm in pure bliss, as if life is a string of amazing, genuine, wonderful events one after the other. That I know how the world works, how to look in the nooks and crannies to find unique bits of joy that few have noticed. I feel as if nothing can stop me, as if the world is just a playground. The air is crisp, the lights of the city are glimmering, and when I pedal my bike it's as if I'm cutting into the night sky.
Then there are other times when I'm scrambling to find a glimpse of happiness. I find myself bewildered by what I don't know, I find my skills inadequate to do any nontrivial task. It seems that all of the perceived joy was in fact me just being naive, and that the world was just playing along for a few hours. "Time to get back to work." - The world says to me. I find myself alone. Paralyzed by the sheer amount of things I haven't accomplished, learned, or bothered to pick up over the years. As useful as a middle schooler, without the cuteness.
"Perhaps I should go eat at Qui... that will make me feel better." Only for that thought to be dwarfed by the skeptic voices in my head. "You look depressed. Do you want to draw attention to yourself? Who the fuck do you think you are?"
I open the fridge and finish off the leftovers.
Hypersensory addiction. Give me more.
I want to go fast. I can't bear even being in any state of normalcy. I become uneasy. I get antsy.
The thing is, in order to get to the next high... a bit of risk is involved. I have to put myself out there. I have to be vulnerable.
I've noticed that there's something to just going out and trying, even with the risk of failure or being mediocre.
The thrill of the unknown. Stability isn't an option, I just can't handle it.
Am I good at photography? The honest answer is I know I'm okay. I just know there are way more talented people out there, that given the same resources... can come up with way better photos that I can. This is what I could get with the yoyo 2x world champion, Yuuki Spencer.
But fuck that idea. I just want to go out and do it. I gathered the resources. Let me light the fire, even if it's not as bright as if you lit it. I want to try, even if it won't be done the "proper" way.
I'm sure I know my way around a camera. Which is why I'm confident enough to teach a class about it. It's really the only thing I've put in time and hard work into over the past 6 years.
I've been fortunate enough to use so many cameras over the past few years, and pick up a lot of random gigs along the way. Here are some quick proof(unedited) shots I did this week, food photos for my friends' Austin Food Delivery startup, Demand Food. Essentially it's woot for local restaurants. You have 2 curated choices per meal. It's not live yet, but I'll let you guys know when it is.
What did we do with the extra food? We used it to feed our programming class: Coder Vox
Yet I chose one of the hardest systems to use, only because I like the way focus falls off just after the focus point. In this photo I see it on her right(our left) arm. That small tinge. I get excited about small things like that.
It's cool thought though... to be able to start out with nothing, and for one hour you piece together a model, location, and concept, and create something neat out of it.
So I'm teaching a photography class on Saturday 2/22 Which is in 2 weeks.
I've only sold a few tickets so far, but luckily one of those people is Josh Baer, my old 1SS teacher and founder of Capital Factory. So that should make some things interesting.
Tickets are still available, and I've added an early bird price if you buy a ticket in the next week
The turnout of this event will possibly confirm a lot of things for me. So it'll mean a lot, if you choose to come out.
If you have any questions, tweet at me.
And by the way the previous photos are from a shoot I did with Natasha in collaboration with 2 local clothing stores: Busy Being and Solid Gold.
In addition to the ballin' hoodie, I also found this pink shirt quite adorable. They're in stock at their store at *5th and Comal. *
Again please checkout the event, and please share it with any friends who are trying to get into photography.
Oh and this has GOT to be the most hilarious Sochi Olympics clip: http://www.nbcolympics.com/video/indian-luger-shiva-keshavan-crashes-then-makes-amazing-save?ctx=brilliant-performances